Oh why don’t you call, don’t you care anymore?

Argh. Once again there is so much going on in the world, both my private world and the general world, that I find myself overloaded when it comes to things to blog about. SO I’m taking the cowards way out and doing a quick random list of five today, after the jump…

1)I spent the weekend on a houseboat with a very dear friend who works in global health research. Ate pizza, traversed the London tube, saw Camden market, ate baozi, met a friend for the first time in person who I’ve been internet talking to for years, ate more pizza, found out another friend in the US had passed away, saw pictures of said friends funeral, ate donuts. All in all, a weekend to remember.

2)I’m having a really hard time grieving that friend, btw. It’s surreal. We weren’t extremely close, but we did go to the same church for a while and I respected her wisdom and was fond of her spirit. She was older and had been sick for a really long time, but last time I saw her…over a year ago now…she was her usual large laughing self, oxygen tank in tow. I knew she was sick but it never crossed my mind that she might suddenly die. Apparently she got much worse very quickly and…wow. I feel so disoriented, and I’m having a really hard time connecting to it all. I haven’t cried and I feel like I don’t really understand, deep down, that Lois is gone. I keep jumping topics and babbling about stuff to try and cover that up because I really do not know what’s wrong with me.

3)Case in point; I don’t get this at all. I love Korean music, and as I’ve said before, I strongly believe that Junsu Kim is fine like summer wine, but this? I do not get.

4)This, on the other hand, I totally get.

5)Okay, last thing, which is really three. Back to the subject of my friend, I don’t know that I’ll be able to grieve her properly until I go back to the states for a visit and see that she’s not there. That is one of the things that sucks about being an expat. Locational disconnection from home often means emotional disconnection too, even if you’re trying desperately to connect. Meanwhile, life goes on for me. But in the back of my mind is the worry that something else will happen back home, and here I will be, blithely riding around in houseboats and subways, unable to join my former community in seeing someone on into the afterlife, and not really sure what to say to people back home. Or who back home to say anything to. So I haven’t done much calling. Geez.

With that sobering thought, peace. Go hug somebody you love, beautiful people. Or call them on the phone.

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2 responses

  1. What a coincidence. Just found out a couple of hours ago that one of my great-aunts isn’t doing well and may not make it from her latest hospital stint. I feel so disconnected, and I KNOW that I wouldn’t be this way if I were home. Sigh. 😦

    Wishing you the best in going through the motions. May Lois rest in peace.

    1. Really sorry to hear about your aunt. I hope she does make it. Wishing you the best as well.

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