Six random Monday things:
1) A long time ago I wrote a song, the chorus of which included the line “If no man is an island, why is everybody else in a boat?” It’s not the best song I’ve ever written, but is IS one of the best lines. Not to toot my own horn(or row my own boat?) but that’s exactly the flaw in Western mainstream cultures when it comes to the buzzed about “community”. Even if you decide to connect to others and live in an intentional, community-oriented way, the truth remains that most other people are in their own boats, forming their own islands, and don’t really want to be a part of a community in an active sense. It’s just not how we’re raised. If a pre-existing community comes along and serves needs, fine. If being in a community requires conscious behavioural change and understanding–back to the boats we go.
More after the jump….
So let’s get the song of the day out of the way first. Not all that related to today’s posting(or is it?), but the chorus lyric has always gotten to me a little bit, and it’s the song that’s playing right now.
So, to briefly recap the last post…my crisis of faith came to a slimy little head a few years ago. I was working–volunteering, really–for a Christian charity, and the “team” that I was working for began to treat me quite shittily, only with a shiny religious veneer, so it all seemed OK. Some bad things happened that mattered enormously to me, but very little to anyone else. I blamed myself, mostly, and after leaving and having even worse things happen, I apparently developed a hateful bitter little core which showed up this week when I said, without thinking, that I hated someone.
I’ve never said that I’ve hated someone. Ideologies, things and The Man all catch it in the neck from me, but generally speaking, I don’t even dislike people, let alone hate.
This worries me, as does the fact that God doesn’t really seem to care very much about all of this and has pretty much left me to my own devices. And all of this has led friends, one in particular, to ask me just how and why it is that I am still a Christian after all of this?
Here’s why, after the jump…
Yeah, so it’s official. I am a terrible person(personne/사람). A terrible person who is hanging on to my attempts to become trilingual because that may be all that redeems me. Excuse the vocabulary practice, then, please..
So what happened was this. I was speaking to someone on the subject of another person, who happened to be in the first person’s house(maison/집). First Person said, “Oh, Other Person is here…didn’t you two have an um, thing?”
I didn’t even think about my response. It just fell out of my mouth. “Yep, I hate her.”
What? What! WHAT!? “I hate her”? I hate her? WTF! I’m me. I don’t hate anybody, except for maybe The Man, and I don’t really even hate him…I just want him to go down because I stuck it to him.
Needless to say, me saying that I hated anything, let alone another human being, really disturbed me. I don’t do hate. I don’t even do nasty. I am the original annoying lily-throwingpacifist. I have literally let someone hit me with small noxious projectiles rather than fight back because I believe just that much in passive resistance(or at least, I used to). So how is it, that all of a sudden, I just casually hate folks? And mean it, too?
Well, if you ask some folks, it’s Jesus’ fault. And that brings me, however indirectly, to the topic of today’s post.
The story so far, after the jump…
50 posts, wow.
So on June 16, 2007, I started this blog. Totally a vanity project, and still is. Originally, it was a myspace blog, just for random observations and such. Myspace began to get a little juvenile, so I moved over here–coincidentally, just in time for me to make a massive intercontinental move, lose the whole world and gain my soul, and further entertain the handful of folks…mostly from the Denver arts scene and the nappturality.com forums…who were at the time following me around the internet.
Now, I mostly use it as a repository for random thoughts here and there…I literally do nothing to promote or publicize this blog, and never have but hey! we have 10,568 views! Thanks, everybody!
Life has changed a lot for me over the past four years…I’ll probably blog about it at length another time. But, in a nutshell…I’ve opened up a shop here. I’ve started studying here. I make music with Delta Buoy. I don’t do the whole happy Christian dogoodnik act anymore. And I’m just as random as I ever was.
Less meandering after the jump…or more, depending on your point of view…
I feel really ill. It’s raining. There was dirt on the shower floor this morning, and white paint(?) all over the back of the bathroom door. One of my housemates had some sort of porridge for breakfast this morning that involved most of our pots, bowls, and countertops, and very little washing up. (I hate porridge!) The radio is playing the same Pussycat Dolls song again. Some random Scottish guy is killing sea eagles. Meanwhile, some random Pakistani guy keeps feeding the pigeons on this street and they’re responding to his generosity by ungratefully splattering every square inch of the sidewalk with creamy white pigeon poo. There’s a spider the size of a terrier posted at the front door like some sort of bug bouncer. There are goofy commercialistic Christmas decorations up everywhere in town already. And did I mention it’s raining, and I’m ill?
I don’t talk about politics, I really don’t, but it’s hard to get away from at the moment.
*smh* Does Focus on the Family ever remind anyone ELSE of Octavia Butler’s “Christian America”, in Parable of the Sower?
Non-news related, vaguely spiritual post coming up soon, I promise…
So what’s been up with me lately? This blog might as well be called Things That Are Really Pissing Mel Off.
Because of that, I’m making an effort today to write about two things that do not irk me in any way, shape, or form. One is the incredibly well-written book Jesus For President, by Shane Claiborne(who also wrote the highly-recommended book The Irresistible Revolution) and Chris Haw(who’s a lot harder to pin down in parentheses). The title is perhaps a bit misleading in the current culture, but that only points to how relevant and necessary this book is.
I have absolutely nothing to say.
No, now, wait. Y’all know me better than that. I have plenty to say, but I’m going to keep it to a bare minimum…
From the When Keeping It Spiritually Real Goes Wrong file…
This must be the most violently purple template ever created for public use. I realllllllllly need to sort out something better.
So as usual, I have tons on my mind and absolutely no time to really blog about it. Or even really think about it. Hence the reason I’ve been wandering from place to place in a daze for the last few weeks looking like I need a helmet to travel by stair safely.