Yeah, I’m still listening to Korean music. Love this song though…but the dancing in the video?. Um. Well.
Does Sung Hoon have eyes? Or are those glasses covering up bottomless wells of luv? Anybody know?
Okay, so moving on…
So although I tend to post most of my more spiritual writing over here, I’m very aware that more people read this blog than that one. At times like today, when I feel I have something more interesting to say, I’ll post here anyway. Eventually the two roads will diverge in the wilderness, or something like that.
Anyway, lately I’ve been having a lot of wildly contrasting conversations. People are just all very different to each other, and that’s that. The strange thing is, those differences all seem to emerge from the same motivations, ultimately.
On my twitter feed the other day, I posted this:
I’m starting to realize that for a lot of people belief=control. Doesn’t matter what the belief is in.
There were a few responses, but what prompted the tweet was talking to two very different people.
So let’s get the song of the day out of the way first. Not all that related to today’s posting(or is it?), but the chorus lyric has always gotten to me a little bit, and it’s the song that’s playing right now.
So, to briefly recap the last post…my crisis of faith came to a slimy little head a few years ago. I was working–volunteering, really–for a Christian charity, and the “team” that I was working for began to treat me quite shittily, only with a shiny religious veneer, so it all seemed OK. Some bad things happened that mattered enormously to me, but very little to anyone else. I blamed myself, mostly, and after leaving and having even worse things happen, I apparently developed a hateful bitter little core which showed up this week when I said, without thinking, that I hated someone.
I’ve never said that I’ve hated someone. Ideologies, things and The Man all catch it in the neck from me, but generally speaking, I don’t even dislike people, let alone hate.
This worries me, as does the fact that God doesn’t really seem to care very much about all of this and has pretty much left me to my own devices. And all of this has led friends, one in particular, to ask me just how and why it is that I am still a Christian after all of this?
Here’s why, after the jump…
Yeah, so it’s official. I am a terrible person(personne/사람). A terrible person who is hanging on to my attempts to become trilingual because that may be all that redeems me. Excuse the vocabulary practice, then, please..
So what happened was this. I was speaking to someone on the subject of another person, who happened to be in the first person’s house(maison/집). First Person said, “Oh, Other Person is here…didn’t you two have an um, thing?”
I didn’t even think about my response. It just fell out of my mouth. “Yep, I hate her.”
What? What! WHAT!? “I hate her”? I hate her? WTF! I’m me. I don’t hate anybody, except for maybe The Man, and I don’t really even hate him…I just want him to go down because I stuck it to him.
Needless to say, me saying that I hated anything, let alone another human being, really disturbed me. I don’t do hate. I don’t even do nasty. I am the original annoying lily-throwingpacifist. I have literally let someone hit me with small noxious projectiles rather than fight back because I believe just that much in passive resistance(or at least, I used to). So how is it, that all of a sudden, I just casually hate folks? And mean it, too?
Well, if you ask some folks, it’s Jesus’ fault. And that brings me, however indirectly, to the topic of today’s post.
The story so far, after the jump…
So what’s been up with me lately? This blog might as well be called Things That Are Really Pissing Mel Off.
Because of that, I’m making an effort today to write about two things that do not irk me in any way, shape, or form. One is the incredibly well-written book Jesus For President, by Shane Claiborne(who also wrote the highly-recommended book The Irresistible Revolution) and Chris Haw(who’s a lot harder to pin down in parentheses). The title is perhaps a bit misleading in the current culture, but that only points to how relevant and necessary this book is.
I think I need to decide on exactly ONE subject area to blog about and stick to it. Right now everytime I try to write something my fingertips stage a first class word freakout. The ideas come, but not in any sort of organized or helpful fashion–I’m sitting here right now thinking politics-no wait-ART-no wait-muSIc-but how about them Lakers(or Man U?)-and let’s not forget-narcissistic ruminations on me and what I think–Aaaaah! Can’t-put-all-ideas-down-coherently! Mayday, mayday! Danger, danger Will Robinson! Nobody knows what the hell you’re talking about anymore! Give us freeeeeeee!
Yeah, I definitely need to pick just one subject.
This must be the most violently purple template ever created for public use. I realllllllllly need to sort out something better.
So as usual, I have tons on my mind and absolutely no time to really blog about it. Or even really think about it. Hence the reason I’ve been wandering from place to place in a daze for the last few weeks looking like I need a helmet to travel by stair safely.