Tag Archives: depression

Dream of a land my soul is from…

I haven’t blogged in a while, and I really don’t feel like it right now, but I feel like I owe my few followers a few words to prove that I am really alive and kicking. That said, here is a random list of 5 for your Thursday viewing…

1)I am bloody DEPRESSED. I haven’t been depressed in a long time and forgot what it felt like. It sucks. How on earth did I walk around feeling like this all the time for 27 years and not commit any minor crimes? Ugh. I’m also grouchy as hell all of the time lately, which explains the four further items…

2)No no no! What is this? BLASPHEMY, I tell you!

3)I am all for trying new things and covering classic songs in your own way, but Afro-Blue should sound like this;

4)I cannot WAIT to leave Denver. For me, it’s become a place to visit, not to live. Also, I really can’t with the silly people per capita in my current suburb.

5)At least all of my brooding and griping has resulted in some startling grown woman realizations concerning family and God(separately, not together). I’ll be posting my ruminations soon, if I can manage to stay out of jail.

6)Eh, whatever, let’s make it a list of 6.  I have gone on and on on this blog about Junsu Kim and his startling good-looking-ness but apparently, this guy was in the band with him the whole time and I. Never. Noticed.

Life_ani(.gif may not work for some reason…click on it if you don’t see the animation)

Dear Lord, if you’re listening, let me run into one or two dudes with diverse energy like this while I’m in Korea. THAT guy is way out of my league, of course but can one of his fanboys be my mailman or something? Just so I can get hype off of  complementary male energy rather than being the world-expanding hype woman date for a change? Just saying, Lord. A Bane mask as fashion statement is hard to find, and I appear to be going somewhere where it might be possible. Kthanxbai. Amen.

Okay, I find myself marginally less grumpy for having written 6 silly things. Let me go throw myself at the world before it wears off.

Peace, beautiful people!

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…my disposition depends on you…

I have a naturally sunny disposition.

Yeah, I know. I’m just as surprised as you.

More after the jump…
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We’re wandering sheep with wandering morals. To wolves teeth we soon might fall.

There’s an article on the blog The Scicurious Brainthat I find really interesting. The piece is entitled Wholesome Food And Wholesome Morals: Does Seeing Organic Make You Act Like A Jerk?

The piece is about a study that has found that people are actually morally meaner and less altruistic after viewing pictures of organic food, whether or not they think that food is desirable. (From here, the jokes just write themselves.) Now, you can extrapolate all kinds of things about self-righteousness and morality from that, as the original researchers did. You can take it a bit farther forward and to the left, like the author of the linked blog and maintain that it may have to do with atoning for the guilt of junk food. OR, you can do like I’m about to do and wonder if it’s just a case of relative grace like so many other things…

After the jump, my people…
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I-HATE-YOU, so much right now, AAAAAAH! I hate you so much right now!

Yeah, so it’s official. I am a terrible person(personne/사람). A terrible person who is hanging on to my attempts to become trilingual because that may be all that redeems me. Excuse the vocabulary practice, then, please..

So what happened was this. I was speaking to someone on the subject of another person, who happened to be in the first person’s house(maison/). First Person said, “Oh, Other Person is here…didn’t you two have an um, thing?”

I didn’t even think about my response. It just fell out of my mouth. “Yep, I hate her.”

What? What! WHAT!? “I hate her”? I hate her? WTF! I’m me. I don’t hate anybody, except for maybe The Man, and I don’t really even hate him…I just want him to go down because I stuck it to him.

(Cheer if you get my un-necessary and anachronistic 70's blaxploitation reference. Even if you don't, let out a little holler...you'll feel better, I promise.)

Needless to say, me saying that I hated anything, let alone another human being, really disturbed me. I don’t do hate. I don’t even do nasty. I am the original annoying lily-throwingpacifist. I have literally let someone hit me with small noxious projectiles rather than fight back because I believe just that much in passive resistance(or at least, I used to). So how is it, that all of a sudden, I just casually hate folks? And mean it, too?

Well, if you ask some folks, it’s Jesus’ fault. And that brings me, however indirectly, to the topic of today’s post.

The story so far, after the jump…

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Blessed be Your name when I walk through the wilderness

I have absolutely nothing to say.

No, now, wait. Y’all know me better than that. I have plenty to say, but I’m going to keep it to a bare minimum…

From the When Keeping It Spiritually Real Goes Wrong file…

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In search of the elusive Now ‘N Later gator…

5 Random Thoughts For Today;

1) Next time I get the urge to publicly post a random depressed screed having nothing to do with anything in particular, I hope I have the sense to sit on my hands and just not do it. Yikes, I scare myself sometimes.

2) Television really sucks. I mean, really, really sucks. I’m living in a house with a TV for the first time in about a year, and what can I say? It really sucks! I turn it on, expecting to be entertained or at least brainwashed, and I’m alternately bored, annoyed and infuriated. It used to be that I had to watch about six hours of CNN before I started hollering obscenities and throwing shoes at the screen. Now, all it takes is one episode of Strictly Come Dancing. Just realizing how bad the title grammar is makes my blood pressure rise. I mean, really. What’s next? A new musical competition show entitled Singing Must We Do?

3) I’m sure there’s some cultural or linguistic reason for Strictly Come Dancing’s title that I just don’t get. This happens often. As a matter of fact, every time I perceived something to be weird, I usually run the thing or situation by a half-dozen people just to make sure that it was, in fact, really weird or if it’s perfectly normal for people here to do or say that sort of thing. This is especially true for social situations. Things that I think are normal are not. Things that I think are weird are completely normal. Things that I don’t think about are apparently very important and annoy the stuffing out of anyone who associates with me on a regular basis.  No longer being artistically productive enough to be considered a harmless eccentric, I’m now becoming my least favorite interpersonal animal, the social neurotic. In laymans’ terms, that just means I need a vacation. Or a holiday. Either way, I still don’t like Strictly Come Dancing.

4) Snoop Dogg has reinvented himself as a singer on his latest album. Why? WHY? WHY!? He sounds like a bootleg T-Pain. And since it’s already been established that T-Pain is the bootleg Zapp and Roger, this means that Snoop Dogg is now a bootleg of a bootleg of something that was wack to begin with. No shizzle, ma nizzle. Please go back to the days of ironing your shirt while Dr. Dre wanders through your house rhyming aimlessly and pretending he isn’t wack either. Or even better, the days when you were out-rhyming 50 Cent on his own track just by spelling your name. Come on, man. Step it up, playa!

If you must expose yourself to this musical catastrophe, it’s here. Please wash after listening.

5) I’m not even going to talk about the US presidential race. Except to say that so far, Ralph Nader, you are letting me down. Ain’t nobody about to vote for Jared Ball. Let’s get real. Hurry up, announce something, and give the o.1 percent of the American population who voted for you last time something to hope for. You only have a year to win over the other 99.9 percent–get cracking!

~sigh~ I really need a vacation. Or a holiday. Maybe both.

How odd to be alone without being completely so…

It’s not that I want to be alone. It’s just that I don’t want to be around other people.

The other night, I had the adult version of a temper tantrum, which is basically just going to my room, shutting myself in, and lying on the bed, in the dark, staring at the ceiling thinking increasingly morbid thoughts. I’ve done this before. It’s never pretty.

Even I occasionally get tired of saying, “O, what a mood I’m in” from time to time though, and to do that this time seems like it would be really selfish. I know a lot of people, and it seems like most of them are having a hard time in one way or another. Friends are homeless, friends are struggling with poor health, homesick, lonely, alienated, depressed, and just generally stretched to their breaking point.  This is the kind of thing that isn’t helped by well-meaning advice, or even a well-meaning shoulder to cry on, so it certainly isn’t going to help for me to put on my resident depressed person hat and talk about things from my typical myopic perspective.

Still, I feel as though I should be doing something. What, I don’t know, but certainly something.

So much for insightful, relevant, effective blogging.