I haven’t blogged in a while, and I really don’t feel like it right now, but I feel like I owe my few followers a few words to prove that I am really alive and kicking. That said, here is a random list of 5 for your Thursday viewing…
1)I am bloody DEPRESSED. I haven’t been depressed in a long time and forgot what it felt like. It sucks. How on earth did I walk around feeling like this all the time for 27 years and not commit any minor crimes? Ugh. I’m also grouchy as hell all of the time lately, which explains the four further items…
2)No no no! What is this? BLASPHEMY, I tell you!
3)I am all for trying new things and covering classic songs in your own way, but Afro-Blue should sound like this;
4)I cannot WAIT to leave Denver. For me, it’s become a place to visit, not to live. Also, I really can’t with the silly people per capita in my current suburb.
5)At least all of my brooding and griping has resulted in some startling grown woman realizations concerning family and God(separately, not together). I’ll be posting my ruminations soon, if I can manage to stay out of jail.
6)Eh, whatever, let’s make it a list of 6. I have gone on and on on this blog about Junsu Kim and his startling good-looking-ness but apparently, this guy was in the band with him the whole time and I. Never. Noticed.
Dear Lord, if you’re listening, let me run into one or two dudes with diverse energy like this while I’m in Korea. THAT guy is way out of my league, of course but can one of his fanboys be my mailman or something? Just so I can get hype off of complementary male energy rather than being the world-expanding hype woman date for a change? Just saying, Lord. A Bane mask as fashion statement is hard to find, and I appear to be going somewhere where it might be possible.
Okay, I find myself marginally less grumpy for having written 6 silly things. Let me go throw myself at the world before it wears off.
Peace, beautiful people!
Yeah, I’m still listening to Korean music. Love this song though…but the dancing in the video?. Um. Well.
Does Sung Hoon have eyes? Or are those glasses covering up bottomless wells of luv? Anybody know?
Okay, so moving on…
So although I tend to post most of my more spiritual writing over here, I’m very aware that more people read this blog than that one. At times like today, when I feel I have something more interesting to say, I’ll post here anyway. Eventually the two roads will diverge in the wilderness, or something like that.
Anyway, lately I’ve been having a lot of wildly contrasting conversations. People are just all very different to each other, and that’s that. The strange thing is, those differences all seem to emerge from the same motivations, ultimately.
On my twitter feed the other day, I posted this:
I’m starting to realize that for a lot of people belief=control. Doesn’t matter what the belief is in.
There were a few responses, but what prompted the tweet was talking to two very different people.
So let’s get the song of the day out of the way first. Not all that related to today’s posting(or is it?), but the chorus lyric has always gotten to me a little bit, and it’s the song that’s playing right now.
So, to briefly recap the last post…my crisis of faith came to a slimy little head a few years ago. I was working–volunteering, really–for a Christian charity, and the “team” that I was working for began to treat me quite shittily, only with a shiny religious veneer, so it all seemed OK. Some bad things happened that mattered enormously to me, but very little to anyone else. I blamed myself, mostly, and after leaving and having even worse things happen, I apparently developed a hateful bitter little core which showed up this week when I said, without thinking, that I hated someone.
I’ve never said that I’ve hated someone. Ideologies, things and The Man all catch it in the neck from me, but generally speaking, I don’t even dislike people, let alone hate.
This worries me, as does the fact that God doesn’t really seem to care very much about all of this and has pretty much left me to my own devices. And all of this has led friends, one in particular, to ask me just how and why it is that I am still a Christian after all of this?
Here’s why, after the jump…
Yeah, so it’s official. I am a terrible person(personne/사람). A terrible person who is hanging on to my attempts to become trilingual because that may be all that redeems me. Excuse the vocabulary practice, then, please..
So what happened was this. I was speaking to someone on the subject of another person, who happened to be in the first person’s house(maison/집). First Person said, “Oh, Other Person is here…didn’t you two have an um, thing?”
I didn’t even think about my response. It just fell out of my mouth. “Yep, I hate her.”
What? What! WHAT!? “I hate her”? I hate her? WTF! I’m me. I don’t hate anybody, except for maybe The Man, and I don’t really even hate him…I just want him to go down because I stuck it to him.
Needless to say, me saying that I hated anything, let alone another human being, really disturbed me. I don’t do hate. I don’t even do nasty. I am the original annoying lily-throwingpacifist. I have literally let someone hit me with small noxious projectiles rather than fight back because I believe just that much in passive resistance(or at least, I used to). So how is it, that all of a sudden, I just casually hate folks? And mean it, too?
Well, if you ask some folks, it’s Jesus’ fault. And that brings me, however indirectly, to the topic of today’s post.
The story so far, after the jump…
So this blog is really nothing more than thinly veiled record of hippie nerd consumption. Socially conscious or not, I’m a big fat capitalist at heart…
Number one; If you haven’t been keeping up with the effects of cyclone Nargis in Myanmar you should be. They can’t refuse assistance forever. Neither can they seize and misappropriate it all. To that effect, I’m pointing out mercycorps.org, a charity that provides aid/relief/improvement. I’m pointing them out for a couple of reasons but primarily because they work with root causes of problems when they can, and in instances such as Nargis, they often help by working with/through existing local aid organizations whenever possible instead of creating new ones, basically letting the developing world develop with the assistance of, instead of reliance on, “developed world” workers. Seems to me as though this ups their chances of getting into really unreliable places. So check it out.
This must be the most violently purple template ever created for public use. I realllllllllly need to sort out something better.
So as usual, I have tons on my mind and absolutely no time to really blog about it. Or even really think about it. Hence the reason I’ve been wandering from place to place in a daze for the last few weeks looking like I need a helmet to travel by stair safely.
So I’ve discovered that I suddenly have real difficulty answering the question “so what is it that you do?”
“I’m a community volunteer.” Totally leaves God out of the equation.
“I’m an artist.” Not really. Not anymore.
“I’m a Christian youth worker.” Gack. While this is probably the most accurate, it’s also the one that I’d be most likely to write off if I met someone else who claimed to do this.
Even better is the question, “so why are you in England?”
“God sent me here.” True, I suppose, but also a bit egocentrically grandiose, and once again, if I met someone else who said that sort of thing, I’d run away screaming and holding my nose. Gack again.
“It seemed like a good place.” Since this is usually accompanied by torrential rains and the massive migration of diarrheaic pigeons, no-one takes it seriously. Or if they do, they also seriously doubt my sanity.
“I don’t know.” Seems like we have a winner. But now I sound like some life-drifting opportunistic idiot. Not that I don’t *always* sound like that, but still…
Anyway, this is my official new blog. I’ve decided that I will share my individual perspective on the world by behaving like everybody else does and typing about it on the internet. Go me. I’ve already been doing so over on myspace, but is it just me or is myspace getting progressively creepier? I can’t remember the first time I got a friend request from someone I *know*.
Actually, wait, yes I can. Liz and Carmen, you two officially rock.
Speaking of rocking, K’Naan doesn’t exactly rock, but he does *rock* my world. My own poor usage of the English language notwithstanding, you should really check out the politically minded Somalian rapper in this video with my favorite emcee, Mos Def.
It’s called “My God”. Check it out, y’all.